one two three fourrrrnication!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
where are you?
Hypothermia
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
