never play flip cup with pint glasses
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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