are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
