i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
