YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
pop tarts are not kleenex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize