I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
