Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
