ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
