Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
