Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
