I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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