dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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