I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
