My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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