so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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