Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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