They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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