Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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