she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
be right there i have to get my cape
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
