Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
