I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
