im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
