I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
