I just saw a hot homeless man
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
