sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My bed smells like the plague
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
