I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
