I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
