WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
