I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
smell my finger.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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