You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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