Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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