I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
