It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
