Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
