i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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