Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
