I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
