eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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