I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize