She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
