I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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