i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
