I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize