You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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