I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
