I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
