I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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