I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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