You can't special order awesome
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
