If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
