Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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