The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
