I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
