Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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