Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
