the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is Oprah even human
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
