my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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