just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize