Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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