In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
