Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize