i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
