Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
