After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i think i just lost a toe
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
