U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
