you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
