duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
