At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if only i could text you this smell
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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