Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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