She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
