But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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