Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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