so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
