I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
