I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
