shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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