I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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