Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
