aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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