At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
