and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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