If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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