jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
